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One of the most frequent questions people ask me as a new mother is, "Are you breast feeding?" With many people, after I answer their question, there is an awkward silence where I get the sense that they don't really know why they asked and they don't really know what that question is supposed to lead to. Breast milk has always been a little gross to me. It's very sticky, warm, and strange in my opinion, but it has been proven to be the most nutritious for newborns and infants. Breast feeding is a natural body function, but it took me a while to feel comfortable and confident while breast feeding.
As my confidence has grown and as I have seen various women, including celebrities, challenging what is socially acceptable with regards to breast feeding, I became more curious about how far people would be willing to go to show acceptance and support for breast feeding mothers rather than alienation. I wanted to test the limits with this piece by inviting my viewers to partake of my breast milk. I baked chocolate chip cookies, doughnut holes, cupcakes, brownies, and caramel covered popcorn and I used my own breast milk as a substitute for any milk or butter that the recipes called for. In the center, a sign reads "Please feel free to try anything! All are made using breast milk!" This piece forces people to choose whether they are comfortable with consuming human bodily fluid, which can actually be more nutritious for you than cow's milk and has been used to aide the digestive system during chemotherapy for cancer patients. The quantity of breast milk used is actually very small, but the mental dilemma is meant to cause the viewers to really stop and think about the rawness and purity of breast milk and make a choice whether to consume or not to consume.
After giving birth to my son in July 2014, I was faced with many changes that I have documented. I tend to reject routine in my daily life, which makes caring for a newborn quite difficult especially when figuring out a feeding schedule. When I went back to work and school, I had to use a breast pump to express my breast milk. This piece was created as a reaction to my experiences. The installation consists of a large china cabinet with three shelves and four sections of glass window panes with glass bottles lining the shelves. The cabinet is completely filled to capacity with around 56 glass bottles. Each bottle is meticulously labeled with the volume, date, time, and location where the milk was pumped handwritten on the label. The bottles all vary in size, shape, and quantity. Some of the bottles resemble a small glass milk bottle in shape and stand about six inches tall, while others are square and as tall as ten inches. The cabinet has a warm brown finish and is very elegant in design. The installation appears very homely, but it is a bombardment of bodily fluids upon closer examination.
Taking part in viewing this installation is most likely uncomfortable for many people. I believe this is because society constantly is putting a completely different picture of motherhood and family in our heads. Reality television has branded the “perfect family home” image into our minds, with elegant furniture, huge china cabinets filled with expensive dinnerware, and lots of big paintings or other artwork for the home. As a new mother, my life as a mom and our family life create a completely different picture. I was consistently producing far too much milk for my baby’s consumption, so it ended up all over the place. I had a freezer full of bags stored at home, in the freezer at school, in small portable coolers, at work, and even at my mother-in-law’s home. This excessive production has been overbearing and extremely uncomfortable as I was trying to find places to use my breast pump every three hours or paying the price of pain and more discomfort when I would neglect nature’s call. This is the experience I am trying to project to my viewers. I want them to face the breast milk and talk about it. I want to challenge them to reflect on why they feel awkward or uncomfortable. This is a fact of life. It is my reality, and I hope my work offers the opportunity for viewers who are uncomfortable having a conversation about motherhood to explore my experiences.
483 Ounces Later (2014)
Detail of 483 Ounces Later (2014)